标题 | 从考生作文谈高考作文的失分点与得分点 |
范文 | 蒋韬 近几年的书面表达都以应用文为主的半开放式作文,围绕着“人与自我、人与社会及人与自然”三大主题来进行考查。试题特征:划出一定范围,也给考生留出发挥的空间;突出真实的交际需求。今年的书面表达仍然传承了这一特征。 按理说,只要有一定的词汇和语法基础,得到高分并不难,因为试题本身不需要太多的词汇和复杂的语法知识,但为什么得分不理想呢? 我们以一篇考生作文为例(语法错误已为其修正)。 Dear Sir or Madam, □1 How is everything going? □2 Im Li Hua, who is a student from China. I am studying in London now. □3 I know that you will hold an exhibition which is about Chinese art in a local gallery. Im writing to you because I want to be a volunteer. □4 Im outgoing, so I get along well with my classmates. Im interested in English. I can speak English well. I think I have no trouble in talking with English-speaking visitors. □5 When I was in middle school, I took an active part in all kinds of activities. If I can work for you, I can do a lot for you. □6 In addition, I can learn a lot from this exhibition. Im looking forward to your reply. Sincerely yours, Li Hua答题分析? 此篇作文要点似乎齐全,语句也还算通顺,但充其量也就及格分数。那么,失分点在哪里呢? 1. 开头语不得体。 句□1How is everything going是用于私人信件,是向亲戚、朋友、同学、熟人等打招呼的用语,而这是给活动主办方写信,显然不符。 2. 表达繁锁。 句□2和句○3虽本身无错误,但此处用定语从句则显得勉强了,写句子应遵循能简则简的原则。假如改为Im a student from China.或Im Li Hua, a student from China.以及I know that you will hold a Chinese art exhibition in a local gallery.则简洁多了。 3. 个人优势体现得不充分。 □4□5句虽与要点有一定的关联性,但说服理由不充分。应当围绕“中国画展”这一主题,来说明“个人优势”,如学过中国画,了解中国画,甚至会画中国画等。 4. 能做的事情几乎没有写。 第□6句则属于无效信息了,与你在“中国画展”中能做什么毫无关系。应围绕主题来写:能用英语向参观者介绍中国画,教参观者画中国画等。 5. 分段不合理。 “自我简介与写信目的”“个人优势”“能做的事个”应各写一段,阅卷老师就清楚地知道你写的作文要点是否齐全了。 6. 句式過于单一。 我们再看一篇考生作文: Dear Sir or Madam, □1 Im Li Hua, a student from China. □2 Knowing that you need some volunteers for a Chinese art exhibition to be held in your gallery, I would like to recommend myself to you. □3 Im interested in English and Im especially good at spoken English. □4 I won several English speech contests when I was in my university, thus I think I have no problem communicating with visitors. □5 In addition, my major subject was Chinese art. □6 For this reason, Im sure I can offer better service and help those who are enthusiastic about Chinese art have a good understanding of it. □7 I would appreciate it a lot if you can give me the opportunity. Im looking forward to your reply. Sincerely yours, Lihua答题分析 该写作语言规范,要点齐全,无论从结构,还是内容,都可以说是上品了。 1. 自我介绍,用了同位语。 句□1,自我介绍,用了同位语,简洁明了。 2. 写信目的,用了高级结构。 句□2,“写信目的”,也就是要点1,答题人没有用大家惯常用的I know, I hear等,而用分词,且这句中又包含了that引导的宾语从句及作定语的不定式短语to be held,可以说,此句很好地体现了答题者对语法知识的熟练运用。 3. 个人优势,用了丰富的句式结构。 句□3□4□5是写作要点2,即“你的优势”,句□3用了并列句、句□4用了主从复合句、 句□5用了衔接词,承上启下。 4. 能做的事情,用了复杂结构。 句□6则用了复杂句,里面包含了宾语从句、并列句、定语从句等,其中还运用到了高级短语be enthusiastic about和help somebody do something.结构。 5. 上下段衔接自然。 句□7放在结束语之前,使上下段衔接自然,丝毫也不显得多余。 通过这两篇作文的对比,优劣即现,第一篇的缺点概括为:用语不规范、要点不明确、句式简单、为了体现句式的多样而强行使用定语从句等。而第二篇则让人亮眼:用语规范、句式多变,上下文衔接自然,一气呵成。 责任编辑 ? 蒋小青 |
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